Oct 31, 2009

The ties that bind...

Today, my son's umbilical cord is hanging by a thread.

When I first brought him home, I could not wait for it to fall off because it made me nervous. I was terrified I would accidentally hurt it, or it would get infected, or it would get caught in his diaper and I would pull it out. The mere thought made me squirm, so I figured that the sooner it came off, the better.

Now it is an ugly stump. It looks like a bellybutton booger...an eyesore on his otherwise deliciously chubby belly. And...I don't want him to lose it anymore. It is the last obvious sign that he was once part of me. Inside of me, eating what I ate, borrowing my blood and oxygen and nutrients.

It all boils down to the fact that he is already growing up. First it's the cord, and suddenly it is teenaged angst and bellybutton rings.


Right now he is in his crib, awake. I have put on a CD for him...baby arrangements of the classics. Fur Elise, Panis Angelicus. We both have gooseflesh. I, because I am not ready for the newborn stage to be over. Him, I think, because he is discovering music on the outside...unmuffled, beautiful and perfect. I know it's not because he is afraid to grow up. He is alert, looks directly at things...and he smiles. Real smiles...not the newborn patented "Heheh...I just farted" crooked grin. Open mouthed, bright-eyed smiles.

I know I should not worry, though...he will always be my son. Even with a bellybutton ring...

Oct 29, 2009

The Sun Tells The Moon

no, don't want the world
yeah, cause you'll wanna have everything
and don't say that you're just a little
more deserving of this or of that
yeah, cause we've all got needs
but I know you feel trapped.
yeah, but we all got gravity

oh no, we're lost, the stars they just stare
yeah, and it's driving me crazy
the planets don't care
yeah, they prefer they didn't know
me cause I'm just a means

yeah, they all want ends and the comets just sing
you can even hear them coming

we sing the saddest songs cause we don't know what we want
we want more and want it cause we're scared to say it

we are the children's lips thirsty for just a glimpse
of what is right and wrong because
we can't accept our lives.

so the sun tells the moon
"yeah you should've been a star"
the reply is a tune
oh but the sun just stops
saying "oh that's so sad but im glad I heard it
you moons aren't so bad"
and they just kept on spinning.

~The Snake The Cross The Crown

Oct 23, 2009